The Pain of Self-Control for the Balance of Inner Peace...

 Respect Your Standards

There will always come a time when our resolve will be tested. This is where the discipline of self-control comes in.

What does it mean? 

I have simplified the definition as a non-negotiable standard of self-action in not accepting disrespect, enabling disruptive or rude behavior, and never devaluing yourself for the benefit of others. 

With life, there are many power dynamics and variables to account for. Not all circumstances are black and white, which means all are due to meet with trial and error. 

This is to be expected as part of the journey. 

So, here lies the foundational foot notes to progress in the culmination of self-respect towards Inner Oneness. 

This guide can be used as a reference to highlight unethical behavior, listing the basic groundwork of what it would take for you to properly manage yourself when the opportunity arises. 

In this entry, we will clarify the most valuable words that protect our well-being, outline the actions which keep us accountable to ourselves, and how to identify emotional traps to evade the crippling desires of those around us.

Why Is Self-Control Important? 

Our self-control shows people how we treat ourselves, how we choose to live. We develop our discipline of self through the pain of consistency in emotional control, physical temperance, and mental regulation. 

The goal is to offset the cost of emotional derailment, physical punishment, and draining mental delusion, which is the stable self-inflicted misery of an unhappy, person of hate.

 In other words, those who choose to sit in their misfortunes for prolonged self-pity and unbending fragile egos. 

Self-control is the definitive line which separates us from the average common man, who relishes in chaotic dysregulation, that threatens the tranquility of our daily existence.

Without this discipline, we can be easily manipulated, used, walked over, or utterly destroyed, by the those who lack the will to respect their own needs. 

Those who have no spine for the capacity of true self-love and moral responsibility. The only thing that separates us from the animal kingdom.

We do not need to drive off of pure instinct and survival, that is a choice. We have the freedom to choose between compassion and cruelty. 

In that same regard, I dare to question...what does that really say about humanity? What does that mean about you? Me? 

Those who detest the value of leveling upward for self-betterment, will test your resolve in attempt to diminish your steady developing integrity. 

This grants them information with what they can get away with in the long run or continue to abuse. 

Such unbecoming behavior may still persist after addressing the issues at the forefront. With that said, for this very reason... 

That is why we must understand how to define our standards, when to apply the communication, develop personal commitment on what to walk away from, and build our strength of understanding to diminish the effect of dysfunction with the power of knowledge. 

Only can this power alone, knowledge, aid us in the ability to stay in control within the face of low vibrational beings. 

To prolong our skill of enduring the torture of this ignorant world, which has no plans of evolving greater anytime soon. 

There is no other way to overcome, but through. 

What Is A Self-Controlled Standard? 

A solid principle outlined, defined, and held firmly by an individual. It is simple and accomplished a number of ways. The first, is direct communication. 

No matter the power dynamics, which also play a part in whether communication can be effectively successful, once you've communicated in regard to your self-respect, you have already won half the battle. 

The second half is determined by how we handle the outcome of their responses whether indirect or direct. 

For example, you have a manager who messages or calls outside of work hours. 

You communicate you will not respond to the attempts outside of your shift. They ignore your boundary, over-step and proceed to reach out intentionally on a consistent basis. 

In this scenario, the best course of action is to stand on your principle, focus on what you can control, not respond, and document the interactions. 

Similar over-stepping occurrences can happen, more frequently, in family dynamics. 

What Matters Most...

What matters is the understanding that you have the right to speak up on disrespectful behaviors, yet you must not expect people to respect your boundaries. 

If one continues to intentionally cross what you are not comfortable with, focus on what you can do within your means of control (ignoring, short unemotional responses, not interacting in dialogue, etc.).

In my experience, if they continue to over-step, I can choose to remove myself from their vicinity or not respond depending on the given situation. 

When necessary, calmly speak your truth when needed. No emotional reactive responses, difficult, yet possible. Practice makes improvements. A quote I must remind myself and work on till' this day. 

This is where the real work begins. The daily challenge of battling the habit of reactivity after being conditioned to behave in such manners. 

Remember, you can only control what you choose to do in response, especially once the line has been made clear. 

The Value of Speaking Up for Yourself...

To make sure we are not allowing ourselves to passively accept disrespect, potentially diving further into emotional repression, we must address issues through calm, straight forward communication. For example, it can go like:  

"Hey, I noticed that you... (action/behavior). The next time it happens I will (insert the consequence here)".

 Or...

"Hey, I understand that (insert behavior here), but I don't want you to expect (insert your feelings or thoughts here). 

Even...

"I will, or I will not, (insert expectation of self-action here) when you (insert their behavior here) moving forward". 

Consequences look like, creating distance, giving them space to fix their behavior, removing yourself entirely from the conversation, walking away, a curt unemotional response, or keep your distance. 

One could say...

"I need you to stop (action/behavior) because it makes me feel (insert emotion). I find it (insert explanation). 

What Is the Purpose of Speaking Up? 

The goal here is starting the self-respect process by addressing what is uncomfortable, disrespectful, offensive, or over-stepping. 

A genuine person will have no problem with respecting your standard or having a well-mannered conversation around the subject. 

They should lead with curiosity, not defense, rudeness, insults, loud, or passive behavior. 

When asked for a favor or given a situation to inquire that may come at a cost at your expense, I encourage you to consider how it may affect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being before responding. 

When in doubt, it is best to say no. Your future self will thank you. 

Assess if it does not work in a current time period, takes away from needs, has one overcompensating something at your expense (time, gas, money, etc.), is a favor you are not comfortable doing or to simply not engage in activities. 

The best answer is to decline or say no. 

When One Respects You Or Does Not Respect Your Limits...

The only valued response worthy of attention is the acknowledgement and correction of their behavior immediately. They will apologize, acknowledge the hurt, admit their mistake, and never do it again.

The change of action will be consistent and solidified. Not perfect, consistent. 

Those that are intimidated by your self-respect will distance themselves. 

They may expel disdained behavior towards you such as passive comments, not sharing important information/details at work, moving objects of your possession, creating new rules to micromanage your work, being held to unfair standards in comparison to others, cold turkey disappearance from acquainted employees, silent treatment, gossip about you behind closed doors, etc. 

The list goes on; you get the picture. 

It is an act of insecurity since they are not willing to develop themselves and will do their best to project onto you through passive aggression or more.

It will hurt when it comes from someone you believed to have trusted (referring to family or friends), but do not waver, that is who they are. The real them. 

The worst behavior to expect is reoccurring intentional overstepping, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, physical threats, or verbal threats.  

Be Mindful of Provoking Tactics...

Their goal is to generate self- doubt, fear, or anger, with intent to trigger your peace. This is their thought process of "bringing you down" from the high pedestal they created about you. 

They want to be the cause of your displeasure, discomfort, offense, anger, or sadness. Yes, they want to see you react at their leisure.

 It is an ego boost through the "gaining sense of control" by your suffering or reactions. 

It is their delusional sense of power, which distracts them from the low-self-esteem they carry in reality. 

They strive to trigger reactions since that is the only card they have to play. 

The objective? To use your reaction(s) against you in future conflicts or make themselves feel superior. In other cases, hold it over your head as a recrimination or argumentative edge. 

This can be used in attempt to hurt you, invalidate your experiences, gain emotional control, or provoke reactions to obtain legal liability called the Reactive Abuse Tactic (RAT).

It is a form of manipulation, used as a means of leverage. This tactic can be used to provide documentation, coercing the true victim into the role as the "aggressor" in any legal occurrence for the abusers gain or for deflection of the antagonizes accountability. 

It is the ultimate card which allows them to hide their original motives of abuse. The conversation becomes your blame to bear, forcing you into a corner of gas-lit self-doubt, become emotionally dysregulated, distracted, or worse. 

Understanding the bait and switch tactics, helps you recognize the patterns sooner in order to prevent undue stress and greatly reduce potential escalations. 

May my failures in experience, be your gain in strength and finesse. 

Knowledge is Power. You Must Understand Them to Avoid These Traps...

These types of beings are only aiming to create trapping faults for the glory of making themselves feel superior, off the ricochet of a mistake(s), through emotional baiting for you to become reactively triggered for leverage. 

These situations can happen frequently among work environments, schools, or be adopted and greatly abused by anyone in a position of power (manager, boss, teacher, cop, mother, father, older cousin, etc.). 

As long as someone has a need that you could possibly depend on, the abuser will use that against you in any way possible. 

They may even begin to potentially threaten taking away the object of interest or even go through with the act all together to gain control over you, your emotional state, and force compliance. 

You live and you learn. 

Unveiling the Truth...

Your confidence mixed with clear communication, knowing what you stand for, threatens their comfortability, exposing the work that they want to hide from with fear of losing control they never had. 

By attempting to demean your stance, with no success, it only fuels their hate for themselves more. That is why they increasingly project onto you or aim for more ways to control your environment. 

Again, these types of beings are only aiming to create trapping faults in order to make themselves feel superior, through baiting you into becoming more emotionally triggered for leverage, than they are. 

If you were not as smart, worthy, or intelligent, they would not waste time to think about, nor' extend the energy, trying so hard to prove otherwise. 

Actions Speak Volumes...

Second, is indirect communication, only using a direct response of self-action. 

This is the second half of the battle. You may not be able to set a standard in real-time. Unpredictability of life calls for immediate action in certain cases. 

Some boundaries do not need to be, in need of being addressed directly either.

Over time, you won't need to use boundaries as a guided foundation for self-control standards and discipline.

 It will simply be a nature of being after long well-earned practice of discipline. Yet, it still won't stop there. We keep growing. 

To only act on your self-respect is just as important for your communication. 

It must look like: 

+ Leaving the park, when your friends decide not to respect the time you set to meet, which was communicated in advance to prioritize your mandatory needs. 

+ Leaving from a home that cradles toxic family relationships with cruel unhealthy treatment between relatives. 

+ Not responding to insults or physical intimidation in attempt to provoke your reaction or bait you into an argument/fight. 

+ Not responding to name calling or false claims, a bait to gain emotional control to make you engage in verbal harassment or potential escalation.   

+ Leaving a group of "friends", in which all are aware of constant passive or direct, disrespect with no one standing up for you or others. 

+ To stop interacting and never asking, to be invited with people who intentionally do not invite you to a party or gathering without considering you as a participating factor. 

+ "Friends" or "Family" caught speaking behind your back or about others.

Individuals already know that they are out of line. They like to pretend that their actions have no direct effect and will do all that their best to play stupid. 

Distance, separation, or disengagement is always, just as powerful, without needing to explain yourself or addressing head-on.

Stand up for yourself and protect you. 

Never Bend Your Principles ...

Self-control keeps us safe. They hold our esteem with true affection and properly define our self-respect.

We must carry our person in high regard to outline our lives with strong value and immense care. 

Those without boundaries lack the ability to stand on anything and will always succumb to the crowd as a follower, scared to stand alone. 

We can set boundaries and still be kind. We embrace solitude, never swayed by biased opinions. 

Protect your well-being, forever and always. 

I hope this for you.