Beginners Guide to Heal

Heal Your Mind, Heal Yourself

When I began my path of discovery and healing, as a former people pleaser, all I knew was that something needed to be done with those cycles and patterns or else I would be suffering indefinitely like others around me.  

I'll be sharing the steps and hard truths that you will face in the culmination of your self-development journey to be better prepared with what is likely to come.

 So, get some paper, grab a pen, and let's get into it. 

Where Do I start? 

You need to start putting yourself first financially, mentally, and physically. Stop putting yourself in places and situations that do not serve you.

 More specifically, when they take from you, more than they give back. 

Why? I'm Not Doing Anything Important? 

Stop there...that is a passive approach, allowing yourself to be used by others. It reveals that you do not have any boundaries of your own. 

You are willingly telling people "Hey, I've got nothing better to do with myself, you can use me as you wish. I'm down with anything". Absolutely not. 

People notice, and they will, or already do, use your lack of self-respect against you passively. Tell them "No" one day and observe how they react.

That Does Not Prove Anything?  

One word...experience. 

First and foremost, you stop feeding the silent growing resentment being carried under the surface by speaking up for yourself. 

 Second, it reveals the true colors of those that do not, and never had, your best interest at heart. 

It is up to you to research and decide for yourself the best course of action. 

I'm only here to point the direction, how you get there and what you choose to do, is up to you. You choose what you will and will not endure. 

Resentment? How? 

On that piece of paper, take the time to write and reflect honestly, leave nothing out and don't play anything down. 

 Ask yourself, "Would I have gone or done any of these (places/situations) had they not been there?".

"Did I like doing or going to any of these (places/situations)?". 

If most of your answers are simplified to "no", experience rendered flashes of irritation, feelings of being out of place or uncomfortable, forced accompaniment, trailed unwarranted plans, or pushed down pent-up anger or sadness, you get the picture, and I rest my case. 

What Do I Do When They Don't Like The Word, No? 

You do absolutely nothing. You've already won. 

Let them make a fool of themselves (talk down, scream, insult, etc.), fester in frustration/anger, and withdraw your presence immediately, at all costs, whenever that happens.

 If you live with them, continue to stand your ground no matter what. Never let anyone push you, force you, or manipulate you for their gain. 

 Their circumstances or shortcomings are things they need to handle, not you. 

That is the true motive as to why they, will or do, behave in such a manner. 

In worse cases, they may even go as far as stone walling, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, emotional manipulation tactics, or threatening your person. 

You'll learn in time how to handle these tactics. 

If things escalate to this tier, remove them from your presence, reduce your interactions (if you live with them), or by any means accessible to you, cut-off access to you for good.

Remember, in the pursuit of your journey, you will never be able to please everyone while prioritizing yourself. Trust in yourself and stand on it. 

How Will I Know The Difference Between Genuine or Manipulation? 

They will hear you, validate your feelings, apologize, and take accountability for allowing behaviors, actions, and feelings go unnoticed and unchecked. There will be change, no excuses. 

Those who lack a conscience will do everything but.

If a discussion was in place, actions must speak louder than words. 

If actions don't change with no real effort, cannot have a civil discussion, have concerns brushed under the door, them constantly deflecting by lying to you to cover up their behavior or playing down your experience of a situation after expressing your vulnerability(s)...

All with no amount of accountability or moral sense to do right by you...

You need to move on. 

How Long Does This Healing Journey Last? 

It is a lifelong marathon that takes time, grace, and practice. There is always something new to work on. If it was easy, everyone would do it. 

The difference is you are a chosen, who sees what others choose to ignore and won't come to face. 

Do what no one is willing to do today, so tomorrow, you can do what no one else can. 

There will be setbacks, but what is important is getting back up and pushing yourself to keep going even when no one is cheering. 

Be proud that you're taking initiative of your life and know, there is no shame in doing right by you.

Anyone who claims otherwise, or challenges that fact, is an ignorant and miserable womp rat. 

Will This Work? 

Yes, most certainly. The trick is, you have to want it for yourself or else you'll never grow. 

Once you stop learning, you stop growing. There is an entire world to learn from. Don't be the one to miss out before it's too late. 

I'll Be Okay. I Don't Need to Do Anything...

Action produces results. If you're serious, your life and perceptions will change.

Change is inevitable, until the day you choose not to follow through. If you don't want to take that step, you are okay with where you are.

Remember, you can't blame anyone one else. It's on you. 

No one is coming to save you. No one should care more about you, than you. As it always will be. 

You are capable of doing anything you put your mind to, so why not?

Final Thoughts? 

You are not alone. There are many people on this planet, fighting in silence, striving to do the same.

Healing is a multi-factor necessity that opens your mind towards a better mindset, happiness, and life. If you want it, you invest in it, and eventually that peace you imagine can be yours. 

Once you open those doors, you'll see there's no going back. 

The abundance of support and relatability is soon to be far more impressive than anything else in this very moment. 

 Your path, future, and awareness become more clear, concise, and confident than ever before. 

I hope this for you. Best regards to the flourishment in the new and improved you.